It's alright

I am thankful for this life, sabr, good, Allah's mercy, paradise. Alhamdulillah(Praise be to God). It's just like before somehow, like when I was crazy. I got scared of moving. Paralyzed. Only in bed. There are these paranormal beings telling what's inside my mind. I feel good somehow though. Alhamdulillah. I handed out some cards I made with my site name on it. I just written it there. I got the card paper from some scraps of paper. I am thankful. Alhamdulillah. I got a good nap on Qailulah(the siesta of Muslims). I got only to sleep a few moments. The paranormal's here. May Allah guide me and help me. He is doing that.

I feel good

I am thankful for feeling good, abstaining from sin, Allah(may he be glorified and exalted)'s help, forgiveness, self-control. Alhamdulillah(Praise be to God). I feel good. As I've told, I am now allowed to go outside the unit, but not far away, only where they can see me. I cannot go down or up other floors. It's alright. I'm being disciplined. They don't want problems. It's great to be alive and worshiping the only true God which is Allah. Alhamdulillah. I'm thinking, maybe I'll be famous one day and people will be searching my name on Google and come to this site. For anybody who wants to help and can afford it, you can donate to my Paypal. There's a link to that on the right side panel. I'm going to fast again on Thursday. Alhamdulillah. Allah is the greatest or Allahuakbar. I am oh so thankful to the Lord Allah for all the blessings he has bestowed upon me. I am nothing without Allah. I belong to him, and to him I shall return. You say you belong to him and will return to him when you face calamity knowing that whatever is happening to you, it is sure you will come back to your Lord. I am interested in applying lessons from poverty. There are precious lessons there. I dream of a home where there are recycled things, practical arts, and whatever I learned that are good. I studied practical arts, maybe back at grade school, where we created what my teacher calls, as far as I remember, a 'Slam book'. I consider a notebook also a book. That's alright 'cause it's a book with notes. I have these notebooks where I've jotted notes and I envision it on a library of mine. Even if that library just starts here, even on a shelf. It's not on a shelf now, but it's right here on a desk where the computer is.

Suddenly felt panicky on Sunday

I am thankful for life, hope, movement, lucky than others, Allah(may he be glorified and exalted). Gave out two already, as far as I remember, my sites on cards I just cut off using scissors and written my site on them. On the topic. After, I guess, a whole week of being alright, I then felt panicky on Sunday. Last Sunday, not Sunday yesterday, I think. Or maybe it was yesterday. Still. I persevered. There are these ghosts telling what's inside my mind. We all have problems. I'm lucky because I have a home, my family(parents are still alive), Allah, a laptop, not someone who is in the hospital. Well, I've been there. But now I'm home. I miss my parents. I wonder how they're doing. I have one life to live. I'm 26 years old. I just downloaded music on sound cloud. I am downloading music legally. I want to learn Arabic. How to read it and write it. I should just let the paranormal say what they want to say whatever it is. I just need to pretend everything's alright like before. I mean. Just let it flow. Whatever happens. Do I need to pretend? Hm... Whatever. Just like everything's normal. And if it's not. Persevere. Have Sabr.

What success means to me.

Success for me simply is defined as it is. I don't want to add another meaning to it. I mean... Success is success. A succession. That's all. The true success is reaching Jannah, as told by the Quran. I've been pondering about life. I must remain humble. How can I say this... What? What is it? This thing. They are my friends. I've created a song about them. Here it goes:

Bliss

Here I am again
lost in despair of hope
yet I remembered Allah
may he be glorified and exalted
so the story goes like this
i don't want enemies
just friends
but Iblis, maybe him
cursed me with this
paranormal beings
are they jinns?
ghosts or saitans
what is this?
do you hear it?
sometimes i miss
the days when it was quiet
with the mercy of Allah
even with this,
i am full of bliss

Chorus:

Hello there
My name is Emem
Can you hear me?
Salam walaikum
Allah cares
Who's with me?
It is Allah
Where am I?
I am home
Nearing the final abode
Paradise
I can't believe my eyes
I am home

Sometimes I don't know anymore
but I will strive
I will survive
I will, insha'Allah, create memories
to rest in peace
Oh, my God, what is this?

It's not finished yet. But I just want to share what I've done so far. I'm relaxing as I work. Work for me, is any action. Even if you're dead, you are still working. Why? You're spirit is alive. And even if it wasn't, your momentum or potential as a bone, defined as still you, is still working. You have, at your physical self, atoms, maybe moving. You are still working even if all that you are is immobile completely. Your work can still be great. I am working when I am breathing. I am working when I am thinking. I am working.

So what if you're To-Do list doesn't have all the boxes checked?

I changed my "To-Do" list to "Things I can do" to remove the stress and just to make it personal for me and different. If you have a To-Do list, then you may be wondering sometimes why you don't check all the boxes after the day has ended. Maybe sometimes you would leave a lot of boxes unchecked and maybe even sometimes you leave all unchecked. Me? I don't try to use boxes anymore. To save ink, I just put a check. I don't even try to put a dot or period. I noticed some pens would go out of ink fast. Mostly, those pens are borrowed from family. Alhamdulillah(Praise be to God). Some even changed the "To-Do" list to a "Not to do list". That could be effective. I think I've never tried it. Maybe I did. I don't remember. Maybe I can put a thing of that or two or more in my "Things I can do list" as well. When I open up the computer, after checking images of beautiful things, which is part of my routine, I go to it. Now, so what if you're list has unchecked boxes? That doesn't mean you're a bad person. You're just a human. Maybe that's why I changed my list to "Things I can do list" because if I name it a "To-do" list, I am pressuring myself to do it. With this, I can save it for days that I don't need to do anything and I don't follow a sched. If I can't think of anything to do and want to do something nice or productive, then I could get on the list. This is nice if you have some notebook, to write on the list and it's only for "Things you can do". Ideas for those.

I may have decided to be rich, but I like being poor, and I am thankful, and I adhere to it's lessons

I am thankful for poverty, contentment, being me, being okay, family. Yeah. I may decided to be rich and get money of P100,000,000(One hundred million Philippine pesos), but I still like the lifestyle of being poor. What I meant to say is that I will still recycle things. Reuse, reduce, recycle. I envision my home full of things recycled and so as the motto right there. I adhere to the lessons of being poor. Beside me here was fun to make. A simple tin can that I use to place my pen with a snippet inside it that I wrote saying, "I obey Allah". I took a pic on webcamtoy.com, but then I want to follow Islamic Law concerning pictures(you can read more here: https://islamqa.info/en/answers/365/ruling-on-photographs), even if it's pixelated, I'm still scared. Maybe those people are wrong. What if even pictures of people and animals(living) on computer isn't allowed either? I'm yet to go on this further. I may ask questions on a Masjid(mosque) or with Muslim friends or any knowledgeable Muslim. The journey continues. That is to make life easier. I saw a picture in an Islamic site where they didn't use a real life person(just shapes), to resemble a person doing salat(the obligatory prayers of a Muslim). Maybe they too think maybe that it also isn't allowed even on the computer but based on an article on Islam Q&A that I've read before(I'm not sure if the one above is it), told me that it's okay if it's on the computer, and some Facebook posts prohibit women from showing their faces(as far as I remember), and body without the hijab. As much as possible, even if it's hard sometimes, let us fear Allah(may he be glorified and exalted), and do not take sins lightly. Practice restraint and you will come soon to know how it's important in life despite what the western world is doing or saying or some other people, because we are tested in this dunya(world), and there are lots of dangerous things. Back on the topic. I don't care much if I acquire that money, as long as I do what's right. It's just one of my purpose, but worshiping Allah is my ultimate reason why I live. If I must do something unlawful for him or does not follow Islam, then I would not do it. Oh Allah, help me and the ummah(the whole community of Muslims bound together by ties of religion) struggling for your cause. I'm even thinking of not charging for anything when I'm selling my Inside Pen merchandise and just putting a sign saying, "You can pay any amount". I wanna be different. I want to remove the burden on people. I know what it feels like to be so poor. I still want to have transactions with Junk Shops. I want to buy or find an earphone that is big and better if it has a soft cushion on it's ear placement. I don't need the wire. I'll cut it, insha'Allah, if it has one. I just want to make an ear muff. I have these paranormal beings telling what's inside my mind. I didn't slept immediately at times before. Until later on. I hope you have learned something with me.

It's alright to be rich, and still adhering lessons from poverty

I am thankful for life, zest, ultimate glory of Allah(may he be glorified and exalted), simplicity, diskarte or strategy. I may not be still earning billions like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Trump and the others, but I am still alive and breathing and I can say there is a great chance and opportunity that I can still be rich. When I get rich, I am going to, insha'Allah, pay Zakat(our tax in Islam so we can give livelihood to the poor), offer Hajj, and build businesses that will help the world and the ummah. I am so dedicated to each enterprise I have in mind. I am building my life. Alhamdulillah(Praise be to God). He is my sustainer. He provides for me. I need to be obedient to him so he will help me with what I need in this life, and be what I want good things that will help me to worship Allah better each and every day. Allah is my only God. There is no other God for me but him. Isn't that a good thing to do? Look at these faces everywhere. Who else can do this except God? Then we must bow down to him as in now and do what's necessary to get close to him or we'll be losers and the worst thing is we could go to hell. "They realize not", said in the Quran, their actions, that they have been doing bad even if they think they have done good. Satan makes their deeds seem fair-seeming to them. I don't want that for me. Not for my family. It's good to have good relationships with family members. Even your relatives. That could help in your provision. Asking Allah's forgiveness by saying, "Astaghifrullah", can help you be provided by Allah. I like the humbleness and simplicity of being poor. I don't care what others say too much on how to be rich. I have natural instincts and I follow what I think is right or good. I accumulate good deeds, recorded, and they are my true richness, not really the physical money itself because you can have all the money in the world, but if you lack faith, and you lose God, then all of that would be in vain. I hope I can create another page when I use another computer. I've just made a reminder on my "Things I can do list". I'm removing the stress in my life that's why it's not a To-Do list. Maybe I'll change it back to the "To-Do" list if I find it ineffective. It's not only money that is saved. People get to be saved too. Ants store up bones of lizards in their hive or anything. It's amazing to be human and surrounded by other species. It's like a survival. But we came to a point where life has become much easier because of technology and advancements. Alhamdulillah(Praise be to God). A belief in God, doing good works, and the belief in the last day can make you be successful. Why belief in the last day is important? That makes us think we will not live forever, giving us hope that someday, all our grievances and hardships will come to pass, and the hope for Paradise, the ever-lasting success, shall come. Some people want to live so long. Sometimes, I get thoughts of that too. With paranormal beings telling what's inside my mind, I got so much into thinking into dying at the moment, but today is different. It's like, a miracle. I don't care so much anymore about it. It doesn't scare me like before. I am afraid of Allah. Not them. Or anything. I am just one of the ummah. I may be different, but I am one of them. Allahuakbar(Allah is the greatest). I am fasting today. I wonder who I can help with this blog. I hope everybody. I feel that I don't really care so much on being rich, as long as I do the right thing, I can let go of it. Think of Muhammad(peace and blessings be upon him), he lived an austere life away from riches yet he made it. Imagine a poor person praying sometimes 50 prayers a day, as I've read(may God forgive me for my errors), as that was the first order for us to pray by God, until changed, and still made it successfully to the real success, Paradise. He is full of faith and good, and good deeds are our true richness.

Panicked last last night, and slept the whole day yesterday, and back again

I am thankful to Allah(may he be glorified and exalted)'s mercy, I got back up again and moving, salat(prayer), blogging, hope. Yeah. It was devastating. There are these paranormal beings or super-natural beings, maybe ghosts or jinns telling what's inside my mind. I've learned a new technique to live with it. Anyway, I'm back pronouncing a definite purpose in life I've learned from a book called Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I recite it in the morning and before sleeping. I feel the energy of it. I feel I am going to be rich. Now, I've talked about being rich or poor in Islam and what are the consequences on the previous post. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. I've decided to be a rich Muslim. I am so excited. Contemplation of what you're life to become helps. I read about it on The Science of getting Rich. There's also a visualizing part in Think and Grow Rich. About 30 minutes. When I was outside our unit in the morning, I've drawn 1000 Philippine Peso bills on some pages, small ones, so when I read it again, I will be motivated and pumped up to my journey. This writing is good. I wonder if I would be on Forbes. I plan to achieve 100,000,000 Philippine Pesos by November 5, 2028, approximately 10 years and less, and it's on my birthday. I've just put in the affirmations I recite from time to time on the wall. I used masking tape on the other affirmations, and on this one, I've just written it on a note also taped by scotch tape because it still has space, and then recited it as well as the other affirmations. I don't recite it when the light's out to save electricity. If you can, you can copy me with this method of mine. It feels good when you remember the affirmations on your day or even night. I also have a digital visual board on this computer; pictures of things I want to achieve in life or remember, and I see it every morning. Before, I would see it 3 times a day. In the morning, afty, and evening. Now, I just want to save time. I do remember it.

Some pictures are:

I decided to become a rich Muslim

I am thankful for Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon hill, poverty, books, good knowledge, halal. I want to be a rich Muslim. This will help me a lot with my problem with the paranormal or super-natural beings telling what's inside my mind. There could come a time I need to use money to send them away. I don't want to hurt them. But if that's the case, if they are really evil, and it needs to be done, then whatever my Lord wills. Allahuakbar(Allah is the greatest). I will be rich, insha'Allah. The poor will enter Jannah ahead of the rich 40/500 years before the rich. But as I read and understand from this article here: https://questionsonislam.com/question/%E2%80%9C-poor-muslims-are-admitted-paradise-their-rich-half-day%E2%80%9D-tirmidhi-zuhd-37-will-you-explain, I can be rich and enter Jannah before the poor if I earn my living in a halal way and spend it in a halal way; use money for good, pay zakat, and if you can, offer Hajj. That's one of my goals, to pay Zakat and go to Hajj. I suggest you read the article for clarification. I remember that if you are an unbeliever and you are rich, your money will turn into a snake(in the akhira or next life), and say, "I am your wealth!", that's as far as I remember. May Allah(ta'ala or the glorified) forgive me for my errors. But I remember it that way. That would lessen the stress in me because I live with such paranormal activity happening constantly. Today should be the day I remind my parents about the person who will look at me concerning the ghosts, but I woke up good, and I feel good, and I don't want mom to worry, and I just let her send the person here by herself when she wants to. Alhamdulillah(Praise be to God), I'm alright. What if I'm written on Forbes? I will, insha'Allah, never forget to pray to Allah, my Lord, at least the 5 obligatory prayers, every day, and just complete the 5 pillars of Islam. The paranormal is sometimes fun to be around.

Islam is peaceful

Alhamdulillah(Praise be to God). I am thankful for air, was outside in the morning, good news, love, care. Allah(may he be glorified and exalted), gave me bliss when I entered Islam once again. In my worship, I sing praises of good words to Allah, and I feel in bliss and in peace. I can sleep at night thinking that there is a Lord that can protect me when I finish reciting Ayat Al-Kursi at night(the Satan is away from me after reciting this at night).

Allahu laaa ilaaha illaa huwal haiyul qai-yoom; laa taakhuzuhoo sinatunw wa laa nawm; lahoo maa fissamaawaati wa maa fil ard; man zallazee yashfa'u indahooo illaa be iznih; ya'lamu maa baina aideehim wa maa khalfahum; wa laa yuheetoona beshai 'immin 'ilmihee illa be maa shaaaa; wasi'a kursiyyuhus samaa waati wal arda wa la ya'ooduho hifzuhumaa; wa huwal aliyyul 'azeem

"Allah! There is no god but He - the Living, The Self-subsisting, Eternal. No slumber can seize Him Nor Sleep. His are all things In the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede In His presence except As he permitteth? He knoweth What (appeareth to His creatures As) Before or After or Behind them. Nor shall they compass Aught of his knowledge Except as He willeth. His throne doth extend Over the heavens And on earth, and He feeleth No fatigue in guarding And preserving them, For He is the Most High. The Supreme (in glory)."

Alhamdulillah. Allah indeed is the greatest. Allahuakbar. I watched the story of Yusuf Estes, a texan(if I'm correct) Christian who became a Muslim. Forgive me O Lord for my errors. He said he felt like crying, as far as I could remember, upon hearing his Muslim friend recite a Muslim prayer, as far as I could remember. I was singing an adhan-like thing, if I'm correct, while outside the unit. "Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar, Allahukabar. Ashadu Alailahaillallah Wa Ashadu Ana Muhammad Rasulallah". It's good to have certain laws guiding you in such a world like this. The world(dunya) is the prison of the Muslim. Sometimes, it's hard to grasp these new knowledge into my gut, but I'm getting used to it. I am fasting today. Alhamdulillah. Just a little while more and I'm finished writing here. I have chicken with soup mixed on rice to have later. It's here with me. Allahuakbar. I still remember some duas I've been pronouncing every morning, and before even every afternoon and evening as well.

I am happy to see my family plus some other good news

I am thankful for seeing my brother a while ago, I hear, I can now go down from this bunk as told by mom to brush my teeth(that means too that I can really go down from here and do what I want except for of course, doing evil, or I'll be in trouble), blogger, good old days. I was outside up to afternoon. I also prayed outside on my wheelchair. I asked my mom if I can, every morning, go out. It's a good thing to be hit by the sunlight. Alhamdulillah. Without Islam, there would be chaos. Because of Islam, good things happen. I so love my family. I become happy being with them and seeing them.

Praying gives you persistence and a reason to live

Your whole faith in Allah does, but with prayer, you are successful. I am thankful for prayer, guidance, food later(i'm fasting), delayed gratification(like fasting), new ways to conquer the paranormal problem. Alhamdulillah(All praise is due to Allah alone). Restraint is good and powerful. When you can control yourself, you can be successful. Why? If we become like animals who just do what they want to do any time, then we will be losers. I'm not saying the animals are losers by God's judgement. If you want to know the fate of animals, you can read here: https://islamqa.info/en/answers/11437/what-is-the-fate-of-animals-in-the-day-of-resurrection. I just knew this. Even the flies will be gathered. I'm not sure yet if they will go to heaven or hell after reading it, but there was something about God saying, "Be dust". You can voluntarily fast every Monday and Thursdays like the Prophet. Everyday, I have 1 hour settled for my studying Islam. Sometimes, I would go to YouTube and watch videos of like Mufti Menk. I also want to buy, insha'Allah, a robe like his or maybe have it any way I can, maybe through a gift, except stealing. Who knows? I may find it in a trash, and I'll just clean it. I was a scavenger back then of trash I sell on Junk Shops here in the Philippines. I want to be clean and pure while doing this, but sometimes maybe I will take risks to do a good deed, but I will clean myself later on. Man, God is good. I want him to be more good to me, so that's why I obey him as much as I can. I want to completely obey him so that paradise would be so sure of my life. I forgot the topic? Now why did I say praying gives persistence? Imagine compulsory needing to pray 5 times a day, and speaking good words along those prayers, and worshipping a God you believe without doubt, who will protect you from evil, doesn't that give you a lot of hope in life? 5 times a day. That means, if you think of killing yourself out of the hardships you face, you will resist that, because it is even commanded to us not to kill ourselves, or else you'll be punished in hell for eternity. You'll be doing that killing yourself in hell forever. Praying is positive. I have a motto saying, "God is the reason why". He is a reason. He is also the reason. He is the question, he is the answer.

Saying subhanahu wa ta'ala once only in a paragraph full of swt

I'm thankful for love, kindness, big smile, good heart, poverty. Yeah... I've learned a new thing today. What if I say, "may he be glorified and exalted or subhanahu wa ta'ala a lot of times because there are swts on a single paragraph"? I just tested it, saying it only once on that kind of paragraph. Knowing the English translation of the Arabic words I'm not that familiar with helps greatly. While I pray, I get to think of the translation and it is better. Alhamdulillah or Praise be to God. The reason I say "or Praise be to God" is because I may have international audience, of course, in this website. There is a translator here on this website on the right side panel. I list 5 things I'm thankful for each time I write a post here. It may be more or less. I've been writing 5. It changed to that format above. Before it was a list with number 1 to 5 descending. I am practicing delayed gratification or waiting for something patiently before you get rewarded like for example, fasting. You eat and drink before 5 am, and don't eat and drink after 5 am, and wait patiently and worship Allah with your prayers in either the obligatory prayers or with voluntary prayers, and eating at sunset. I eat after Maghrib or the 6:00 pm prayer. I wonder how the prophets and Muslims back then know the time. I'm guessing they looked at the sky, and of course sought help from Allah and trusted him. They maybe had the hourglass. Is it 24 hours done if all the dust is gone from the upper portion? Hm...

What should I do?

I am thankful for air, peace, tranquility, sustenance, and balance. Good to be back. Wasn't able to sleep after our midnight prayer Tajahhud, as far as I remember. Take it easy myself, these paranormal beings will eventually vanish. I learn something about them and how to handle life as time goes by. I don't need to mind them much. I need to keep busy. Don't need to let them win over me. They're noisy. I am learning to stay more calm. I'm thinking of doing ruqya, but that would make me unelegible for being from the 70,000 who will enter heaven without being brought to account. Hm... Maybe I'm not part of that like somebody who will enter heaven even if he/she isn't part of that. There are really beings telling what's inside my mind and Ruqya seems to be a thing that is used in exorcism that I can use. I'm listening to a Ruqya now. I just knew it has an Ayat Al-Kursi and Al-Fatihah.

People living on a machine, paralyzed, on life support machines have hope

I'm thankful for:

1. Paradise
2. Good deeds I can do for Allah(swt)
3. Normalcy
4. Poor yet happy
5. Charity

Yes. They do. Do you know that for an intention to do good, Allah rewards that and records it as one good deed? Indeed. It's pretty nice. I became paralyzed before. The reason must only be known by Allah and the unseen who knows it. Maybe these paranormal beings following me everywhere I go were beings that have been lurking near me before. Hm... It's wierd. Anyway, I want to live life like the Prophet Muhammad did. With all my wealth right now in terms of material things, I am oh so grateful to Allah(swt), and I want to give things to the poor and needy. Allah is kind. We should take note that he is the most kind of all. He is just. As long as I am good, and being that authentic, and I believe in him, I can go to heaven. Of course, I will follow the 5 pillars of Islam because I'm a Muslim. Islam is the religion of Allah(swt) that he chose for his people. Whoever you are, if you're good to God, he will be good to you. Maybe you have bad thoughts about God. He knows all your secrets. Of course, bad thoughts aren't recorded, only good thoughts that you intend to do. Let's get back to the topic. When we do a bad deed, it isn't recorded immediately. It is only recorded after 6 hours, as I read, and if before 6 hours you've already repented, it will not be recorded. I am amazed by Islam. Do you know that I pray sometimes in prostration to Allah(swt) using English? I am memorizing the English Translation of the prayer in Arabic. I have some papers here with the translation. Alhamdulillah(Praise be to God). I think you can repent to God just by feeling it or thinking of it. He is most High, and most appreciative. He wants you to know that he exists and he forgives all sins he said, just repent to him. While reciting the Istighfar or the part of the prayer where I repent with words to Allah(swt), while in English, it just seems simple words. All are good words. Imagine being filled with good words. You hear them being recited by you. What will your life be? And having comfort to the fact that there is a God, not a human, that can forgive you and take away the distress you are feeling and give you hope, and provide for you, love you, and give you Paradise, the true success. Alhamdulillah.

I slept good last night even with the supernatural beings

I am thankful for:

1. Allah's(swt) justice
2. I trust in Allah(swt)
3. Allah(swt) is trustworthy
4. Allah(swt) is a transcendent Patron
5. Allah(swt) is a transcendent helper

In the name of God(swt), the most beneficent, the most merciful. Even if I didn't sleep fast once I lay down to sleep. You know. You wake up somewhere at 5 in the morning, take a Qailulah or siesta for about 20-30 minutes at the afternoon(by the way, I've decided to make it 30 minutes always), and sleep at night after Isha. I didn't sleep right away. Is this normal? There are posts of some page on Facebook saying, "A day dreamer and a night thinker". I wonder why my fat brother goes to sleep fast or maybe he's playing it so he can have the sense of going to sleep(he snores) and he just looks like he's already asleep after a few minutes or even seconds of laying down or sometimes on his chair. He faces a computer every day. As much as I know. He's there below, and I'm here up. A double deck? He has no soft bed. He sleeps on the floor. I woke up somewhere near midnight and I prayed Tahajjud. I'm thinking of doing an additional Witr as I've searched a moment ago. Only 1 rakaat can do for Witr and 2 rakaats can suffice for Tahajjud. I did Salat Al-Ishraq and Allah(swt) said, as far as I can remember, that he will help you with your tasks of the day if you pray it and I'm still here awake and I didn't sleep again in the morning after Fajr like before. Ishraq can have 2 rakaats as I remember.

Excited to walk again normally

I am thankful for:

1. Still have a chance to work normally again

2. Mercy of Allah(subhanahu wa ta'ala[swt] or glory to him, the exalted)

3. Poverty's good

4. Consistency

5. Patience

In the name of Allah(swt), yeah, I'm excited. It's like I'm in a prison. The world or dunya is the prisoner of a Muslim, and the paradise of a kafir. Still, you will need to achieve the paradise of this world to achieve the paradise in the hereafter. And that paradise is the bliss and joy you get from worshipping Allah(swt). I have achieved it. I will get better by Allah's will. Alhamdulillah. Lets be careful of making known to others our sins. You will not be excused on a certain day, as the prophet said, maybe on the day of resurrection, if you are one who is aware in sharing his/her sins to others. Are you doing it for boasting? If we keep silent about our sins, and just let God and the unseen know it, then we would decrease sin in the world. If we share it, others might replicate or copy it. I am fasting today. Maybe I would be on prosthetic legs because my feet is still broken and I can't control it anymore. I can't rotate it or move it good. It's just stagnant. Anyway, I am hopeful that things will get better. That I will walk normally again and my incontinence will be fixed. Don't say insha'Allah if you want your dua to be firm or resolute, as I learned from the Prophet Muhammad.

Why do I feel sleepy?

I am thankful for:

1. Still alive and has a good chance to go to Jannah(Paradise).
2. Birthday yesterday(I ate litson manok or roasted chicken).
3. A silent older brother greeted me happy birthday on Facebook for the first time I think.
4. Opportunity
5. Good

I felt sleepy. These has been happening. I'm not sure if it's just that I wake up early. Of course, I will feel somehow sleepy but I then sleep. Really sleepy. The super-natural beings help in making me sleepy. I think too much and my head suddenly gets tired. I'm worried that this might happen at school. What I plan to do, insha'Allah, is I will bear patiently, and sleep if I can, and have faith in the Almighty Allah(subhanahu wa ta'ala[swt] or may he be glorified and exalted). We should never tell "We will do this tomorrow" without saying, "Insha'Allah" or "if Allah wills". I read that on Surah Al-Khaf or the Surah you recite every Friday. When I pray, I get to wake up. I prayed the Duhr prayer, but then I have a Qailulah or the siesta of a Muslim, and I still slept up until near 3:00, and I prayed for Azr. I thought I just want to relax. I'm not at school yet. I sometimes contort my face like I am in hardship because of the super-natural beings. They will say something, and I get to contort my face. I got a problem with this. My sister thought I was being disgusted. O Allah(swt), forgive me. When will this end? I've been praying. I pray everyday. I really wish they would just instantly get out of my life. I would never wish this to anyone. Still, they can be a blessing sometimes. Some people are suffering in silence, and maybe there are things they might have said that could have helped. I'm going to read for 15 minutes after this. It's a routine. I want to be successful. I will be successful with the help of Allah(swt). My success is only by Allah(swt). And as I've said, they got me closer to Allah(swt), as part of the blessing. I plan to fast tomorrow and after tomorrow because I should've fasted on Monday, but it was my birthday. Today, I was fasting until I forgot I was and so when mom handed me my medicines, I forgot to tell her I'm fasting, so I drank water to take the medicine in. I am thankful because we would see a Muslim person, as mom said, to handle my problems with the super-natural beings. I want to tell my mom that there are exorcists who are really those who take away evil spirits from people. There is this term in the spiritual realm known as Ruqyah which is derived either from Arabic رقى (ruqia) meaning "rise, ascent" or from رقية (ruqyah) meaning "spell, charm, incantation". It also means "enchanting, bewitching or of being armed against sorcery". Ruqayyah is the name of a daughter of the Islamic prophet Mohammad and wife of third Rashidun caliph Uthman.

Alhamdulillah or Praise be to God

I am thankful for:

1. Allah's(swt) mercy.
2. Hope from Allah(swt).
3. Kindness
4. Good
5. Paradise

Alhamdulillah(Praise be to God or All praise is due to God alone). I think I would be changing the translation I do here with Alhamdulillah to "All praise is due to God alone" because that would entail we should praise God alone. I think Allah(swt) would forgive if you praise people, but never in a way that you praise God, be the same with theirs. I have a Tuna Omelette here bought from 7-11. I didn't buy it. I really love the poor. I want to be closer to them than the rich. I want to be surrounded by Muslims. Alhamdulillah. Nothing is impossible with Allah(swt). If you only know my situation. I am here with super-natural beings that tell what's inside my mind. It's insane. But with Allah(swt), and my worship towards him, he has given me bliss.

And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss.

Look at these faces everywhere. We should now bow to the Lord. Why are we still persisting in sin? Do we think that this has been made so that we should sin more? Even these super-natural beings telling what's inside my mind is also a blessing because I have been closer to God because of them, and add these faces everywhere. Who else can do this? Not a man. Not a creation of God. But only God. Only Allah(swt). I am oh so thankful to the Lord Allah(swt). I will be held in honor because I have read, as far as I can remember, that when you are in a state of injustice, and you persist worshipping God, you will be held in honor. Alhamdulillah. May Allah(swt) have mercy on his believers and guide the unbelievers. I shall be afraid only of Allah(swt), as Allah(swt) wants. You can only follow your parents, and be obedient to them, as long as their commandment does not sway you from Allah(swt)'s commands. Allahuakbar(Allah is the greatest). I want to be in Paradise. I want to live poor and die poor and be among the poor in the Day of Resurrection. That way, I would be first of those who enter Jannah or Paradise. Alhamudlillah(All praise is due to God alone). Allah(swt) has made my websites clear and pure. Away from sin. Allah(swt) is full of praise, full of glory. May God bestow mercy on me and his believers. 

Be careful

Muslim reports from 'Abdullaah ibn 'Amr (ra) that the Messenger of Allah (saw) said "The poor of the Muhajireen will enter Paradise forty years ahead of the rich". (Mishkaat al-Masaabeeh, 2/663, no. 5235)

"The poor will enter Paradise five hundred years before the rich." (Tirmidhi, Zuhd 37)

Since I knew this, I've been stopping myself to affirm the definite purpose I read about on Think and Grow Rich. In our unit, condo, as I am limp as of the moment, I bathed with the lights off to save electricity. I also was thrifty with the way I used water. I know I should clean and purify myself good. I did so with the best of my ability while saving water.

I plan to give as charity whatever it is my wealth before I die:

I am thankful for:

1. Night is approaching.
2. Tomorrow, I will be checked by a Muslim for my problem with some super-natural beings, as mom said.
3. Paradise.
4. Lessons learned.
5. Good.

Had a hard time last night

I don't know why, but my heart just suddenly palpitated hard. Was I just so tired? Maybe the paranormal I'm talking about is connected. I fasted yesterday. I told my mom this morning and she thought it was my fasting that made it. I was scared but I stayed calm as much as I can. I invoked Allah's name in my head and maybe even whispered, asking for help. I was also complaining in my head asking why. There's someone in the Quran named Ya'qub who said, "I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allah... [Quran: Surah Yusuf: Verse 86]. Why would God do this to me? I'm not perfect. Allah has punished me. It's a blessing in disguise too. I don't want to think that I am punished by Allah. Sometimes, I get stupefied thinking this could go all of my life. But I searched for something that makes your wishes come true and I followed the instructions. I said the hasanat or the one giving peace and blessings to Muhammad, as it was given to Ibrahim, 11 times, and 1000 times of "Alahus Samad" and 11 times again of the hasanat. Then I sent blessings upon the prophet in a way I can, as instructed. Some sort of Savab/Sawab. It was Savab on the video but I searched Google for it's meaning and I remember Sawab came, so maybe it was a typo. Then I made a dua for my Hajat, and I searched how, but I didn't see a specific point on how so I just prayed 2 rakaats of prayer because there was a salatul-Hajat said in a page I saw. Maybe I can pray for it that way. I remember even praying a normal dua with my hands asking for something. If you could pray for me, if you pity me, I would be grateful to you, and for my sister who passed away. Alhamdulillah. I prayed Fajr but I slept again until Duhr and prayed. Now I'm alive. When we sleep, it's a minor death. Oh yeah. I remember saying to my mom that each time she thinks of wanting to die, as far as I remember, she just remembers that every time we sleep, it is a minor death. Maybe I just need to sleep it each night because all day paranormal beings tell what's inside my mind. Sometimes, I am in bliss because of my faith in Allah. I worship him everyday and night.

Made some Islamic songs some days ago

I am fasting today as I have failed to do so on Monday, and yesterday I fasted because it's Thursday. You can voluntary fast on Mondays and Thursdays if you're a Muslim. So here's a Filipino Islamic song to commemorate people fasting:

Fast
by Cinch

Ngayong araw ay kasabay ko ang mga mahihirap
ang buhay sa mundo
Kung saan walang pagkain sa kanilang plato
tuwing kakain na ang iba
ang mga mayayaman
dito ako nagiisa at hindi kakalimutan
ang Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
Kayo lang po ang aking pag-asa
Kayo lang po ang nagiisang hari ng sanlibutan
Makakayanan ko ang araw na ito
at mga araw na ako ay hindi kakain magdamamag para sa inyo
ang gantimpala nito
ay manggagaling sa inyo
kayo lang po
ang Panginoon ko

Chorus:

Libre lang ang pakiramdam na to
Di ko na kailangan ng piso
Hindi ako kakain para sa inyo
Para sa inyo Panginoon
Kayo lang po ang Diyos ko

Magdamag
Nagaabang
Magdadasal
Sa may kapal
Minsan hangal
o kay tagal
kong naghintay para sa inyo
na makapiling kayo
ng mas mabuti
mas maayos
ang tindi ng iyong pabuhos
na biyaya
basta
kayo ang sinasamba
ano pa ba ang hihingin ko?
kahit wala ng pera basta kayo ang Diyos ko
Patawarin niyo ako
Mahal na mahal ko po kayo
o Diyos ko

Heto na
tapos na ba
magdamag
kayo ay aking naaalala
Papano to
Pagkain ko
sana ay dates nalang ulit ninyo
Maraming salamat po

I plan to record my songs when I'm all alone. I just checked my phone to see if it has a recorder, but it's battery is empty. It just opened a bit and turned off immediately. I didn't see if it has a recorder. The reason I don't know if it has is because it was just given to my maybe last month or some weeks ago and I don't usually use it regularly. I use this laptop more. I just check it sometimes. Anyways, whatever Allah wills. Insha'Allah, I will perfect the timing of recording my songs. Sometimes, people here in our unit in a condo are sleeping. I don't want to sound loud. Before, I was told to stop.

I still have two more songs that I made, and here they are:

Mabuhay ang Panginoon
by Cinch

Mahal kong panginoon
Patawarin niyo po kame
Mula noon hanggang ngayon
kayo lang po ang Diyos
tayo ay magkikita pagkatapos
nitong buhay sa mundo
tulungan niyo ako kapag ako'y nalilito
kayo lang ang aking sasambahin
ang sumaya kayo ang aking panalangin

Chorus:
Mabuhay ang Panginoon
Sa puso ko kayo'y bumubulong
Mahal niyo ko at ganon din ako sa inyo
Sana'y marating ko ang inyong paraiso

Nandito ako ngayon
Iniisip ko kayo
Salamat po't buhay pa ako
Kahit ang hirap hirap tumayo
Tulungan niyo po ako
na makatulong ng ibang tao
ang kadakilaan niyo'y nirerespeto
kami po ay biyayaan niyo

Pinakamaawaing Diyos
ang puso ko'y sa inyo'y buhos
ang kaluluwa ko po ay inyong mahaplos
ingatan niyo po akong hindi magkagalos

Patawad po Panginoon
by Cinch

Chorus:

Patawad po Panginoon
kayo po ang aking tinutuon
Alipin niyo ako
at kayo'y sasambahin
naniniwala po ako sa inyo
amen

Nandito na nanaman
Sa dunya ang mundo
mararating ang akira ang kabilang buhay para sa inyo
kahit ano pa ang mangyari ay wag magalala
pinakamaawain ang Allah
wag ka daw mawalan ng pagasa sa awa niya
kasalanan yon kapag ginawa
nakikita niya ang ating mga luha
kaya kung tingin mo kung ika'y nagiisa
nanjan siya
nasa puso mo siya

Chorus:

Astaghfirullah
Humihingi ako ng kapatawaran sa Diyos
Siya ang Nagiisang
Dakilang Panginoon ng lahat
Kayo lang po ang gusto kong masamba
Palitan niyo po sana ang mga mali kong gawa ng tama

Kahit lumampas pa sa langit ang aking sala
sabi ng Allah kaya ka niyang patawarin
basta siya lamang ang iyong sinasamba
siya lang ang Diyos, siya lang nagiisa
wala ng iba
pag hinarap mo siya't ganito ang iyong paniniwala
ay patatawarin ka niya
walang humpay ang kanyang awa
siya ang nakakapagpatawad
ng kahit anong sala na gawa ng tao
hayaan mo siyang gumabay sa iyo
ang Diyos ang kahit kailan pa man hindi matatalo

Bago matulog
Magpatawad tayo at makalimot
tulad ng awa ng Diyos sa atin
Sa ganong paraan ay bibiyayaan ka niya ng kanyang awa
Linisin niyo po ako at itama

I just sang "Fast" a while ago because I am fasting today and it felt good. I am learning each day. Remember the super-natural beings that speak what's inside my mind? I didn't sleep early last night. I slept past 12 midnight, but Alhamdulillah, as far as I know, praying Tajahud prayer or the midnight prayer, as far as I know, helps relieves you off restlessness. After quite some time, I got to sleep. I woke up past 5:00 am, but close to that, and prayed Fajr prayer. Hope I get the details correct, and may Allah forgive me for my errors. I slept again for 2 hours, as far as I remember. I did that before that day, and I felt good. Before, I wouldn't sleep in the morning as long as I can, up until Qailulah or the afternoon nap or siesta of the Muslim. Sometimes I would sleep when I get really sleepy. I saw something that it is somehow suggested to sleep 2 hours after Fajr. Morning work is blessed. Just a little nap to recover from lack of sleep. 2 hours is good. You may feel like you still want to go back sleeping after waking up from that, but it's good when you continue waking up. You will feel rejuvenated and fresh and ready to start the day. I will try maybe 1 hour only next time if I can, because I want to be productive.